


Sleep

by TimeKeepsSticking



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeKeepsSticking/pseuds/TimeKeepsSticking
Summary: You don’t deserve this, he thinks as Jack pulls him closer, snoring so loud he can feel the bed shake. Michael’s breath is too hot on his neck and Gavin’s hand rests uncomfortably between the two. He’s never felt so alone, so cold, before.





	Sleep

_I don’t deserve to be alive,_ he thinks as he laughs at a joke one of his boyfriends makes. Michael’s holding his hand, but he can barely feel it above the static pulsing through his veins.

In front of him Geoff and Jeremy are facing away, focusing hard on their Overwatch 1v1. _The fact that Geoff can’t aim should be hilarious_ , he realizes, _I should be cracking jokes right now._

He doesn’t open his mouth.

_You don’t deserve this,_ he thinks as Jack pulls him closer, snoring so loud he can feel the bed shake. Michael’s breath is too hot on his neck and Gavin’s hand rests uncomfortably between the two. He’s never felt so alone, so cold, before.

Sleep doesn’t come easily any more. Days pass before he can shut his eyes. He feels as if he’s lucky if he can get a night’s rest in the span of a week. And, god, he’s never felt so tired before.

It’s hard to exist when everything feels like a surreal delusion; it’s hard to exist when everything feels like a hallucination. With a resigned sigh, he slides out of bed to sit in front of the TV for hours on end before someone else wakes up.

He doesn’t sleep for a week.

_Does it even matter anymore?_ he thinks as Gavin shoots him the fourth concerned look of the day. He can barely keep his eyes open, let alone hold a conversation. There’s no point in asking to be excused; there are too many videos they have to be record today. Too many lines that have to be said, Too many jokes to fake laughing at.

He blinks himself awake for the third time in as many minutes. Jack laughs and asks if he needs to be put into an old folks’ home early. Jeremy joins in with something about not changing his diapers. It almost feels nice. Gavin shoots him another concerned look.

He doesn’t meet Gavin’s eyes all day,

_Does anything even matter anymore?_ he thinks as he stares out the window. Geoff says he’s worried about him. That he should really take a break. That maybe he should get a hobby that isn’t joking about being dead.

It’s raining and he can’t help but be mesmerized by the droplets racing to the ground. He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t envious. Geoff asks if he’s even listening. He doesn’t answer.

Geoff sighs and wraps his arms around the other’s waist. I miss you, he says. _I know._

He doesn’t come into work anymore.

_This is pointless_ , he thinks as he’s dragged to another therapy session. Jeremy cracks jokes next to him in the car. He restlessly bounces his leg. He kisses the other’s cheek at least 5 times. He tries to hide his tears.

_Jeremy doesn’t deserve to be treated like this_. He stares forward, burning holes into the leather head rest. Words float to his ears, too loud, too harsh, only to turn to static and fly out of his head. Even if he were to try to concentrate, Jeremy’s and Jack’s voices only make word soup. His mouth feels dry and his eyes ache.

He doesn’t respond to his therapist.

_Life is pointless,_ he thinks. It isn’t the first time he’s thought it, but it punches him with the most intense feeling he’s had in months. Vomit inducing thoughts of suicide and panic. He almost misses the numbness of everyday life. 

No one has been home for hours. They think he’s getting better. He’s only getting better at pretending to sleep. It’s almost too easy to lie still for hours on end with your eyes closed when you don’t want to be alive in the first place. 

They left the sleeping pills out on the counter. They left the beer in the fridge. He doesn’t think twice before grabbing them both. 

_They’ll be better off without me,_ he reassures himself as he writes his suicide note. His hands shake more than he thought they would when he unscrews the cap. _This will end the pain._ He’s not sure if he believes himself. _You’ll finally stop being a burden._

He doesn’t open his eyes. 


End file.
